


Da Capo

by CherryTreeBlosom



Series: Look For My Cue [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Closeted Sam Winchester, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, M/M, Musician Sam Winchester, Religious Sam Winchester, Slurs, Supportive Gabriel (Supernatural), Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28677474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryTreeBlosom/pseuds/CherryTreeBlosom
Summary: Sam gets terrible news and must return to Kansas sooner than he would have liked to.
Relationships: Cassie Robinson/Dean Winchester, Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Series: Look For My Cue [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100855
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Da Capo

**Author's Note:**

> Da Capo - An Italian music term meaning "from the beginning". The term is a directive to repeat the previous part of music from the first measure, and thus is an easier way of saying to return to the beginning in order to play all of the previous musical phrases with a new interpretation.

Sam was putting his things away when he caught the cousins whispering after Wednesday’s jazz rehearsal. Castiel nodded, smirked and grabbed his jacket before leaving the apartment. When Sam emerged from the rehearsal space he was greeted by Gabriel jumping up and wrapping his legs around Sam’s waist. They kissed as Sam pushed Gabriel against the wall, jostling a framed photo of Castiel and his parents. 

Gabriel pulled back and wriggled out of Sam’s arms before dragging Sam by the shirt collar into his bed. 

Soon Sam’s hands were in Gabriel’s boxers while he was in the process of receiving one of the best hickeys of his life. He was on cloud nine, the world around him disappearing. Focused on Gabriel and the condom that he was currently trying to open. 

Then his phone started ringing.

Gabriel let out a disappointed growl as Sam pulled away. “Come on, Sam, whatever it is it can probably wait.”

Sam huffed. “I put it on do not disturb Gabe. This person is either in my favorite contacts or called multiple times.” He looked around the room before remembering his phone was still in the pocket of his music bag. “It’s probably nothing, I’ll be back in a sec.” Gabriel pouted. 

His phone stopped ringing and started up again before he managed to retrieve it. He looked at the screen and saw that Mom was calling, then he noticed twelve missed texts from Dean. Sam frowned, not only did Dean hate texting but he hadn’t heard from either of them since Winter Break.

He picked up, and Mary started speaking before he could say anything. 

“Oh thank goodness, Sam, I was worried you wouldn’t answer.” She sounded a bit panicked. 

“I’m okay, mom. I was just sort of busy. What’s going on? You guys never call.” 

“I’m sorry about that Sam.” Sam grimaced, he didn’t want to deal with this right now. Her guilt-voice was going to kill his good mood.

“It’s fine Mom, why are you calling?”

She took an deep breath that he could hear over the phone. “I’m not gonna beat around the bush on this. Your Father passed away this morning.” 

Sam’s brain short circuited. He was breathing too fast and his vision was narrowing.

A voice cut through the fog. “Honey, can you say something for me.” 

“Wh-what happened?” Sam was shaking. 

“He was in an accident this morning. He was going to work and-” He could hear she had just been crying. “-his car was totaled. He died in the hospital. I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier but it’s just been so crazy.” 

“It’s okay, mom, I get it.” He didn’t want her to feel even worse. 

“I’m sorry Sam. We’re going to have a funeral service next week. I really hope you can make it.” 

Sam looked down at his hands. “No I’ll be there as soon as I can, don’t worry.” 

“That’s good Sam. Your dad regretted how your relationship with him panned out.”

“I don’t wanna talk about that stuff right now, mom.” A tear rolled down Sam’s cheek. “I’ll get a flight to Kansas in a couple days.” He just wanted to hang up.

“Oh and Sam one more thing. I was wondering if you would play something at the service?” She sounded so nervous about offending him.

Sam grimaced. “I don’t know mom. It’s a pain to travel with that thing, and I don’t think Dad would have wanted it.” 

“I will pay whatever airline fee you’re gripping about.” Sam could hear her taking a deep breath over the phone. “He’s the one who’s dead, you’ll be playing for all of us. I know your father was a bit… slow to accept your dreams but he did like watching you.” 

Sam’s eyes were getting damp but he wanted to keep the edge in his voice. “He could have told me that.” 

“Oh Sam.” 

“Mom I’ll bring the damn thing if that’s what you want. It’ll be slow and sad as shit, you happy?” He seethed.

“Sam…” He could tell she was biting her tongue about his profanity. “I trust you to pick something good. You can play whatever you want at the service.” 

Sam nodded before remembering he was on the phone. “Yeah mom I’ll do it.” 

“Thank you Sam. I wish I could talk longer but there’s so much going on I-I have to go. Dean just got back here. I need to do a lot of paperwork.” 

“It’s fine I get it.” He muttered.

She thanked him and terminated the call. In that moment, staring at Mary Winchester’s profile picture, it hit him and the facts settled deep in his core. John Winchester was dead. Dad died and the last conversation they’d had was a fight about Sam’s fucking music.

Sam’s fingers were numb. Blood was pounding in his ears. His phone fell from his grasp, creating a dull thud when it hit the rug. Sam sank to his knees and was then kneeling as if in prayer. He reached up and brushed his fingers against his cheek. They came away wet. As if his brain was working with a broadcasting delay, Sam noticed he was crying. No, that’s not right, he was sobbing. Snot was coming out of his nose and making it sort of hard to breath.

Gabriel was standing in the doorway. Gabriel was saying something but it probably didn’t matter. Gabriel was looking at Sam like a spooked animal. Gabriel walked over slowly and kneeled down in front of him. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

Sam almost laughed. The answer was obvious. 

“Hey Sam why don’t we get up and go to the living room? The couch is probably more comfortable than the floor.” 

Sam nodded. He took Gabriel’s outstretched hand and let himself be led back to the couch. He sat down and could feel Gabriel putting his hand around Sam’s waist. 

When Sam’s breathing calmed he broke the silence. “My mom just called. She called and…” He took a deep breath. “…my dad’s dead.” 

Gabriel nodded and rested his head against Sam’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” Sam chuckled. “But I mean I probably should.” 

“You never really talked about him.” Gabriel said. “Obviously you don’t have to but I’m here.”

Sam nodded, he turned to face Gabriel. “He wasn’t my favorite person. I’ll be the first to admit that. But he was still my dad, you know.”  
Sam shifted in his seat and Gabriel guided Sam’s head into his lap. Sam was shaking. Gabriel started running his hand through Sam’s hair, pushing his bangs away from his forehead. 

Sam was staring at the Persian rug. His hands were close to his face, elbows together and rubbing his right index finger against the callous on the back of his left thumb. 

“He was pissed at me when I applied to music school.” Sam said. “I mean he never understood why I wanted to play. My mom and uncle were the ones who convinced him. I mean from starting lessons when I was five, to music camps, to audition fees. Just all of it.” Sam trailed off. “He wanted me to work at the auto shop with him and my brother. He never got why I studied so much in school either.” 

Gabriel didn’t say anything. 

“We had such a big fight when I got into Stanford. I mean Dean still jokes that it was biblical.” He stopped fidgeting and turned over to look at Gabriel. “When I went home for Christmas he just wouldn’t bring up college or music or really talk to me at all. But it came to a head on the second to last day I was there.” He took a deep breath. “He got drunk and just started acting like an asshole again, like the dam had broken.” 

Sam paused. Tears were coming back. “You know I haven’t even come out to anyone in my family but he always assumed I was gay and he always gave me hell for it. Just saw his artsy son as a fruit.” He rubbed his fist against his eyelids. “I had a girlfriend all through high school and he still berated me about it. I’m not even gay, I’m bi. I don’t know if I’ve told you I’m bi.” He sucked in a deep breath, trying to get back on track.

“I don’t care that you’re bi.” Gabriel reassured. Rubbing Sam’s back.

“My brother got caught wearing panties under his coveralls by my uncle and me once, obviously nothing is wrong with that, but you’re telling me that I’m the family fag.” He said bitterly before he looked down at his hands. “I really was in love with her but that wasn’t convincing enough for John Winchester.” Sam spat out the name, “He said I had let the family business down. I mean he just-he was just such an asshole all the time. That was the last time I saw him Gabe. I spent that night at my aunt and uncle’s house, he never called and I never called him.” 

Gabriel brushed one of Sam’s tears away. “I’m not going to tell you how to feel about him. I’m forming my own opinion of John Winchester but that doesn’t matter. I get having a shitty relationship with your parents man, I don’t think you’re being crazy.” 

Sam sat back up. “Thanks.” 

“Let me go make you something. Can’t be angry on a full stomach.” Gabriel stood up and walked towards the kitchen. 

Sam went to retrieve his phone. There were texts from Dean, Bobby, Ellen, Jo and a bunch of people he hadn’t talked to since high school. Sam replied to Dean and then shut it off. 

Gabriel returned with two bowls of ice cream. Sam figured this was an appropriate time to cheat on his diet. Gabriel turned the tv back on at a low volume, providing background noise. 

They didn’t speak for a while, Sam the action of his eating. The sound of spoons scraping ceramic bowls grounded him. Sam couldn’t stop thinking about the phone call. Playing it over and over again in his head.

Sam finished his ice cream and put his spoon down. “He died in a car-crash. Apparently he was fine this morning and now he’s just… he’s just dead.”

“That sucks.” Gabriel said, he rested his hand on the small of Sam’s back.

“That night after our Christmas fight. I prayed that he would learn his lesson. I didn’t say anything specific but I wanted God to make him see. I mean I was just so angry.” Sam was on the verge of another meltdown. “A few days later I prayed for forgiveness, I wanted him to suffer somehow and he’s still my dad. I wanted my dad to be sorry. What kind of a son does that?”

Gabriel gave him a concerned look. “Sam. Please don’t tell me you blame yourself.” 

Sam looked over at him. “No, I’m just I don’t know. I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t hated him so much.” 

Gabriel nodded. “You’ll figure it out one day.” 

Sam snorted. “I’m glad someone thinks I will.” 

Gabriel set his bowl down on the end table beside him. Then grabbed Sam’s empty bowl and did the same.

“Look at me Sam.” He grabbed Sam’s hands. “Do I need to worry about you?” 

Sam smiled at him. “No. I’m just processing I guess.” He looked around the room before continuing. “My mom asked me to play at the service. I don’t know, maybe it’ll be good for me.” 

Gabriel gave him a smile and patted his shoulder. “Maybe it will be.” 

“I wish I’d come out to him. Even just to see the look on his face.” 

Gabriel hummed.

Sam reached forward and hugged him. He rested his nose in the crook of Gabriel’s shoulder while they held each other for a minute. Sam’s tears dried up and Gabriel patted him on the back. He pulled back and stood. He found his shoulder bag and put his sweatshirt back on. Gabriel stood in front of Sam while he tied his shoes.

“You okay to go home alone?” 

Sam shrugged. “The walk will be good for me. It’s not too dark yet.” 

“Text me when you get to your dorm okay?” 

“Will do.” Sam said before standing up again. He opened the door and then turned around. “Thank you Gabe.” 

“I just did what anyone would do.” He responded, with a shrug and a blasé tone. 

Sam shook his head. “No, not everyone. We’ve been doing this for like six weeks and you’re just awesome. I mean there isn’t another word for it.”

Gabriel gave him a sad look. “Come here Sam.” They hugged once more. 

“Sorry about getting snot all over you.” 

Gabriel pulled back and kissed Sam’s cheek. “Seriously Sam, stop saying thank you. I’d be a really shitty boyfriend if that bugged me. Supposed to be there for you, even when you’re not screwing my brains out.” He waggled his eyebrows. 

Sam blushed. “Maybe I’m just thankful I picked a boyfriend who isn’t shitty.” 

Gabriel grinned. “I’m glad I meet your standards Samson”

*******

The flight was boring. Sam tried to read a book. He tried to watch a tv show. All he could really do was listen to music and write in his notebook. The notebook had been a gift from his cousin Jo at Christmas. Sam never thought of anything to use it for and instead it became an outlet for his restless moments. 

He used one of his favorite pens to write down gibberish at first. He attempted to do a sketch of something familiar like his dorm but it looked distorted and juvenile. He started trying to remember names of things to write down, people and things, it was a way to practice penmanship he thought. Soon, with increased fervor Sam had begun to scribble down names of albums, their track lists, lyrics, and the chord progressions in neat lines on the dotted pages. 

Sam had flown out of necessity, and brought his bass for his mother. Sam had decided to carry-on for the flight. But his bass, being oversized cargo, was one of the last things to be spit out into the waiting area. He’d managed to borrow a hard back travel case from one of the professors in the department. He’d only needed the puppy eyes and sob story to get the case in a matter of minutes. 

Sam had always known it was a pain to fly with his instrument, but growing up in the midwest and Dean’s fear of flying had resulted in very little air travel. Sam had only been in the Kansas City International Airport three times before. It was under construction Sam ducked under scaffolding on the way outside. Mary Winchester spotted him and pulled up as close as possible to the exit he’d just passed through. 

Sam put his instrument in the car and slid into the passenger seat. He was buckling himself in when he learned that she’d had to circle the terminal three times before Sam came outside. He fought the urge to spit out a reminder that he hadn’t been the one to decide when oversized luggage appears.

Sam was tired, he’d woken up at four in the morning and was struggling to stay awake and engaged with his mother. They talked about comfortable things. Mary droned on about all of the nice things everyone had been doing for the family. She went over the details of the funeral while Sam stared at Kansas’ landscape. 

“I said, what are you thinking about playing later Sam?” 

Sam turned his head and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, I think I dozed off.” 

She looked to the road with disappointment. “I know this week has been hard Sam but it’s hard for all of us.” 

“I’m thinking I’ll play a funeral march or something. I have one memorized that I wouldn’t need to practice.” Sam supplied. 

“Well that’ll be nice won’t it?” 

“I guess.” Sam shrugged. 

“Can you try not to make everything about you this weekend?” She said, without taking her eyes off the road. 

Sam looked back out the passenger window and didn’t speak for the rest of the ride. They arrived in Lawrence and it all looked the same. It felt odd that the world didn’t change after John Winchester left it. California not noticing was pretty normal but here? Lawrence being unaffected after Sam’s world had been inverted seemed like a cruel joke.

When the car stopped Sam noticed her hand rested on his shoulder. He also noticed that he was crying. Sam wiped his eyes with his sleeve and pushed outside without a word of acknowledgment.

Sam carried his bass inside and set it down in the entry. Mary followed with Sam’s duffle bag over her shoulder. Dean was sitting in the living room talking to Bobby. Both men stood up to greet Sam. They did the usual straight-guy quick hug and back-slap. Sam took off his jacket and took off his shoes. Mary and Bobby went into the kitchen.

He padded into the living room after Dean and saw a stranger sitting on the couch. She was beautiful, with large curls and dark skin. Sam just sort of stared for a second before remembering his manners. 

“Um… hi.” Sam said. 

She stood up, Dean grabbed her waist and beamed at his brother. “Sam, this is my girlfriend Cassie.” She reached out to shake his hand.

Sam couldn’t help himself, he snickered. A moment later Sam was mortified.

Cassie bristled and snatched away her hand. “What’s your problem?” She crossed her arms and Dean made his signature ‘what the hell dude’ face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. I’ve heard about this great girl Dean is dating and I didn’t know your name.” She continued to glare at Sam. “I’m really sorry for making a bad first impression. I assume you’re a saint if you’re willing to be with this dumb-ass.” 

Sam laughed nervously and continued. “I’m in a band with a guy named Castiel and one of the other guys calls him Cassie. I just sort of thought of how weird it would be to see him dating my brother.” 

She uncrossed her arms and relaxed. “You don’t come up with a name like that for a quick lie.” She sat back on the couch and Dean followed.

Sam sat in the chair across from them and reached in his pocket. “Here I’ll show you my contact list and you’ll get it. Seriously I’m sorry for being an ass.” He handed her his phone. 

She and Dean looked at the screen. “Castiel Novak. He’s even in your favorites Sammy.” 

Sam shrugged. “I spend a lot of time with my bandmates.” 

Dean grabbed the phone and glanced a second too long. He handed it back to Sam. Sam turned it off and pocketed it. 

“Seriously though, my brother has been mooning over you for a while. He wouldn’t shut up about you at Christmas, It’s good to meet you. He just never shared your name.” Sam wasn’t lying, this was Dean’s first relationship that he hadn’t turned into a machismo discussion of conquest.

“Oh don’t get all girly on us Sammy.” Dean smirked, “Who’s Gabbie by the way?” 

Sam choked. “What?” 

“Dude she’s another one of your favorites Contacts.” He was grinning and slapped Sam on the arm. “What is she your secret girlfriend? Don’t lie Sammy saw how you put heart eyes next to her name.” 

Sam remembered the day Gabriel entered his contact information into Sam’s phone. He’d been on the way back to campus after their first jazz listening session. He’d insisted on typing in a nickname and too many emoticons. Sam hadn’t deleted it, relenting after Gabriel said it was a sign of his admiration and reminding Sam that he’d just put it back in. 

Sam decided on a version of the truth. “Oh umm that’s another guy from the band. The one who calls Castiel ‘Cassie’. His name is Gabriel Milton. He’s a bit of a class clown and likes entering dumb shit in my phone when I put it down at rehearsal.” 

Dean nodded. Sated but still suspicious. He let it go.

The topic was forgotten when Bobby and Ellen emerged from the kitchen, Mary right behind them with a leftover sandwich for Sam. Sam accepted the food and wolfed it down promptly. He had eaten on the plane—trail mix and pretzels he’d purchased at the airport.

“It’s good to see you boy.” Bobby said once Sam’s mouth was empty.

“It’s good to see you too Bobby.” 

“How was the flight?” Ellen asked. 

“Oh it was good. Not too long.” He felt that he was being a bit blunt. “I got a ride to the airport from a friend which was good. No shuttle fee.” That friend had been Gabriel. Insistent that Sam let him do something nice and not carry a double bass on public transit Gabriel had picked him up outside the dorm Despite his insistence that he wouldn’t, Gabriel had done nothing other than complain about Sam’s choice of travel time on the drive over. 

The brief reunion ended when Mary said that she needed to make a run to the grocery store. Cassie offered to go with her and coaxed Dean into agreeing. Sam just wanted to just go take a nap and no one questioned him. 

Bobby helped Sam into his old room. It was covered in a fine layer of dust and unchanged. For some reason a dark part of Sam’s mind had wondered if they had torn down all of his things. Sam ran a finger along the edge of one of his shelves, glancing at his medals and ribbons from competitions. 

“He’d be glad you’re here boy.” Bobby said, pulling Sam out of his head. “Your daddy was a bastard but it’s good you’re here.” 

Sam shrugged, he moved away from the shelf and sat on his bed. “I’m not here because of him Bobby. Mom wanted me to come.” 

His uncle sighed and sat down next to him. “I know what it’s like to hate your old man. I know what he used to say to you, what he’d call you, and I’m not going to tell you to forgive him. What I’m trying to say is I’m glad you’re here, so is your mom.”

“I’m sad he’s gone, but I’m still angry at him, he’s dead and I’m still thinking about that fight. I wish I just felt sad Bobby, that’d be so much easier.”

“You dad and I may have had different fathers but I know him better than anyone. He was an ass, I’ll be the first to admit that about my step-brother, but he didn’t understand you and it scared him.” Sam glared at the floorboards. “Not letting him off the hook boy, he didn’t try with you one lick, but I can tell you that he was guilty about it the last few weeks.” 

Sam was picking at his cuticles. 

Bobby pulled off his cap and rubbed his forehead. “You don’t know this but the day you left was the first time I saw your brother fight with John.” 

Sam snorted. “Dean argued with him?”

Bobby nodded. “They had a screaming match the day you went back to school. I came back from dropping you at the airport to see them screaming at each other.” Sam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “It didn’t last long, by the next day they were the same as ever. But your brother is one of your biggest allies here.” Bobby huffed. “Not that you knew that clearly.” 

He stood up, “Do me a favor this week Sam, talk to your brother at least a little bit.” and closed Sam’s bedroom door on the way out. 

Sam opened his duffel bag in order to find a clean pair of socks. He was greeted by a Tupperware container with a note taped on the lid. Sam opened it and was greeted by the smell of chocolate chip cookies. They were close to the size of Sam’s palm and obviously home made.

Sam pulled the note from the lid to inspect the small handwritten script. It read simply: ‘I know you’re always on a diet or whatever but I figured you could use the sugar this week. -Gabe M’

Sam laid down on his bed and pulled out his phone. He’d changed his wallpaper during the plane ride and felt a nauseating wave of shame. A candid photo of Gabriel playing his trumpet had been swapped for one of the default backgrounds pre-loaded onto the phone. He wanted to call his boyfriend but noticed the time and remembered he was in class right now. Sam sent Gabriel a quick text, said he was home safe and thanking him for the dessert. He typed out another message saying that he missed Gabriel then shook his head and deleted it.

He did his social media rounds while chewing on Gabriel’s cookies. Checked his email. Responded to a couple memes sent by Kevin and Charlie. He ignored the texts from people offering condolences. Sam opened Spotify and decided to listen to what Gabriel termed his ‘bi-coastal-sad-boy playlist’. He fell asleep during the fourth song. 

*******

Dinner was takeout. After the long week they’d all had, Mary had decided on Chinese. Everyone started filling Sam in on how they’d been doing in the past few weeks. Bobby and Ellen were good, the auto shop was going to be fine without Dean and their uncle for a few days. Mary was taking a few weeks off from work. After she pointed them out, Sam noticed condolence card’s from her kindergarten class were tacked up on the walls in the kitchen. Jo was being uncharacteristically quiet, not pestering Sam or sharing.

Sam asks Cassie about what she does and Dean started gushing about her journalism and the fact she had written John’s obituary for the paper. Sam liked learning about Cassie’s job at Lawrence’s newspaper. It was something different and he felt a sense of connection to her, she’d graduated from college with a degree in journalism. Mary was the only one in the family who’d ever gone to school.

Cassie then started telling everyone about the animal shelter she had been getting Dean to volunteer at with her. Sam was struck in that moment by how much she and Dean really seemed to enjoy one another. To Sam’s knowledge Dean hadn’t ever brought a serious girlfriend home. They had the same mannerisms as people who had been together for years. Sam might even gain to say they were in love.

“How’s school been going Sam?” Bobby said.

Sam momentarily froze. “It's been good. I’m doing well in my gen classes and I’ve been getting some really high chair placements for a freshman. I also got good comments in my masterclass on… well on Wednesday.” He muttered. When he started the sentence he hadn’t meant to bring the day up. 

Cassie gave Dean a confused look, “What exactly do you study Sam?” 

He had forgotten about the stranger in the room who wasn’t familiar with the vernacular. “Right, sorry. I’m a music performance major at Stanford. Chair placements are like positions on a sports team by order of who’s the best.”

“Wow that’s… not what I expected I guess.” Sam hadn’t thought she’d have any expectations. “Dean was just always talking about his geeky brother so I assumed that you wanna be a scientist or something.” Cassie explained.

“Dean mentioned that you’re in a new band. That must be exciting.” Mary said. 

“I mean it’s not a big deal. It’s just me and two guys from school.” Sam muttered. Taking another bite to bide his time. 

Dean cut in. “Earlier you said the band is pretty serious.” 

Sam glared at his brother. 

“Is it you and other music majors?” Cassie asked. “Wouldn’t that mean it’s like professional? Isn’t everyone at school with you trying to form bands.” 

“No not exactly. The music program is pretty much just about classical music. Some people are trying to figure out how to just get a foot in the door at an established symphony and others want their own brand as solo acts.” He realized that the family rarely asked him extensive questions about school, the only changed variable was the lack of a certain father. It was nice to talk about his music. 

“What are you aiming for?” Cassie asked, not looking up from her food.

“I don’t know exactly what I want to do, the group could be a career maker but might not.” Sam shrugged. “But the group I’m in, we’re a jazz trio, so not a band in the contemporary sense I guess, it’s not like we’re aiming for like radio hits or whatever.”

Cassie shook her head. “Forgive my ignorance Sam, but can you elaborate a bit more?” 

Sam blushed and began to explain. “A trio is a group of three people, it’s me playing the bass, a guy named Castiel playing the piano and a guy named Gabriel playing the trumpet. It’s a really uncommon combination but they insist that it will help us stand out.” She nodded. “I responded to an ad they posted about a month ago. They were juniors that I knew of and mentioned the possibility of payment.” 

He took a bite then swallowed. “We meet two times a week to practice and we’re playing original songs. They’re just really good guys. We hit it off the first time we played together, it’s sort of difficult to explain but basically we vibe well together.”

“Did you guys hit it off in other ways?” Dean asked with exaggerated flirtation. Ellen smacked him on the arm and muttered something about dumbasses.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Castiel and Gabriel are cousins Dean.”

“Does your band have a name?” Bobby asked. 

“Oh yeah, we just decided on one actually. Castiel would scalp me if I called it a band but I still think he holds onto the pretension of classical music a bit too much.” He got a sick sense of satisfaction in knowing Castiel wouldn’t approve of his family’s casual vernacular. “We needed one because Gabriel entered us in a jazz festival for the end of the semester. We’re called The Major Steps.” He spoke excitedly, albeit a bit embarrassed about the cheesy name choice.

“We should go see that, I’ve always loved your performances. Why didn't you mention this fun new group you’re in?” Mary asked. Sam felt himself deflate. He could see it on her face after she spoke as she remembered why he had stopped telling everyone back home about school. 

His mother gave him a sad look. “Oh Sam…”

He was suddenly sweaty and just needed to stop thinking about John Winchester. “I’m-uh I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick.” No one followed or protested. All of his dad’s comments were flashing through his head again, his waste of time hobby that was pointless to go to school for had taken up a lot of dinner conversation.

He went to the bathroom and pulled out his phone. Gabriel had been sending him old motivational animal memes for the past few days and today was no exception. He made his way to the kitchen, looking for an excuse to leave the house. 

Sam peeked his head into the dinning room. “Hey mom, I’m gonna walk down to Seven-Eleven, we’re uh out of Saltines. I won’t be long.” Mary insisted that he didn’t need to leave but he could hear Bobby telling her to let him go. He was putting his shoes on and could have sworn he heard Cassie asking Dean what was going on. 

The sun had set, but there were enough orange street lamps for Sam to find his way. He knew he would have to talk to everyone about dinner but he didn’t really want to. It wasn’t too cold, the winter chill that had been here in December was already starting to fade. When he got to the convenience store he just turned around. He didn’t want to eat anything and he’d already been away from home long enough.

Gabe texted again to ask if he was okay and Sam just bit the bullet and called. 

“Woah, the millennial called me on the phone!” Gabriel exclaimed. 

Sam snickered. “Sorry, I forgot that it’s probably passed your old man bed time, maybe I should hang up.”

“Okay threat understood bucko. What’s going on?” 

“I just got frustrated with my family and kind of made an excuse to avoid talking to them. I’m gonna have to go back and apologize but I don’t really want to right now. I mean fuck, my dad is still messing with me right now.” 

Gabriel made a noise of understanding. “Well I’ve been having a good day. At symphony today I caught Lucifer making a mistake.” 

“What did you do?” Sam loved Gabriel’s mischievous streak. 

“I just casually asked the conductor to go slower because someone in the horn section was dragging. Which may or may not have lead to Mr. Shirley asking each of them to play their part for the group.” 

Sam laughed. “Is he gonna kill you?”

“Oh nah, my dear old brother is just going to leave a dead horse head in my bed or something.”

Sam laughed, they’d watched The Godfather the week before. 

“Enough about me. You okay Dorothy?” Gabriel asked. 

“Yeah, I just got sort of pissed at my family. Kind of ran away from the dinner table.” Sam winced. 

“Well… even if you were being a bit of a brat, you can just chalk it all up to grief.” Gabriel said mater of factly.

Sam chuckled. “Yeah I’ll try that.” He was back on his mother’s street.

“I miss you Gabe.” 

“Aww. Samsquatch has a crush on me?” Gabe asked. 

“Shut up.” He stopped at the front porch steps and sat down. “You’re making it hard for me to justify liking you so much.” 

“Stop breaking my heart Adonis.” Gabriel snarked. 

Sam chuckled. “I gotta go back inside soon Gabe. Love you.” Sam’s fingers were frozen, he couldn’t believe that the first time he told Gabriel he loved him was over the phone while he was in Kansas for his dad’s funeral. It had just sort of come out. 

Gabriel seemed slow to respond but came back over the speaker. “I love you too Sam. Keep me posted this week okay?” 

“Yeah bye.”

Sam picked himself and walked back inside. The family had moved to the living room, clearly all waiting for Sam to return. He apologized and was verbally forgiven. 

Sam rubbed his palms against his pant leg. “I’m sorry I walked out of dinner. I just don't know.” 

“It’s okay Sam.” Mary said quickly. “Just make sure you go to bed early so you can be ready for tomorrow. The service starts at ten.” She didn’t say anything else before excusing herself and rushing to bed, leaving everyone else in the living room.

Bobby and Ellen didn’t comment, they dragged Jo outside to head home soon after. Dean left the same time as Cassie.

Sam returned to the kitchen and made himself a plate. The food didn’t really taste like anything but he knew he hadn’t eaten enough that day. Sam was sitting there at the dinner table, eating his orange chicken and sipping one of dad’s old beers. 

His eyes were dry now. But there was something caught in his throat and he just wanted to cry. 

*******

Sam’s knees were starting to hurt. The thin carpet that lined the kneeler was worn and had long since stopped providing relief to anyone who used it. His fingers were locked together tight, beginning to cramp and very sweaty. The sleeves of his shirt and jacket were too short, his growth spurt now obvious since he’d put on clothes that had been collecting dust for seven months. 

At first he’d try to free-style it, to come up with an adequate prayer that would communicate his complicated feelings about the day. Dean always made fun of him for it, but Sam loved kneeling when he prayed. It was often more comfortable than sitting and they weren’t the kind of protestants that did a lot of standing. Being in there usually grounded him, it was a quiet place with nice stained glass. The best part had been his father’s lack of interest, this was Sam’s thing and his mother never would’ve let him be mocked for it. 

He wanted to stand up but decided to discipline himself further. He began to name each book of the Bible that he could and recite every common prayer. Mentally speaking slowly in order to drag out the activity. Biblical memorization had once been Sam’s favorite activity. He finished recitations of the Psalm 23 and The Lord’s Prayer before he finally stood. He’d achieved his goal, Sam’s emotions had mellowed out enough that he was confident in his ability to avoid storming off again. He’d also done that little exercise because there were a few stragglers at John’s casket, Sam didn’t want to talk to them when he tried to leave.

Every pew was now empty and Sam could see that only Dean and Cassie remained in the parking lot. The image before him pulled Sam back to all the times Dean had been on duty to pick Sam up after an activity. Leather jacket on, classic rock blaring and a nameless girl in the passenger seat. Only the picture had aged and matured as much as Dean had physically. Dean was in his funeral suite and Cassie was wearing a modest black dress. They were leaned against Cassie’s SUV, which they had only driven because Sam’s bass took up so much space.

Sam turned around and made his way back into the room he’d stored his instrument. Sam took a moment to look around the nursery—when he’d arrived at the church he’d been in a rush to unpack and join the crowd. Cartoonish drawings of biblical stories lined the walls and simplified bibles filled the small bookshelves. It looked the same as Sam remembered except for a new mural. A map of the world with Ephesians 4:32 written in large looping cursive letters. 

“Missouri Moseley painted that for us in November.” Pastor Jim said, revealing himself to have been watching Sam. He was back in his civilian clothing, wearing a blue Oxford shirt and khakis.

Sam nodded, Mrs. Moseley was an elementary school teacher and one of Sam’s favorite volunteers. She did a lot of work with the younger children and was half of the reason Sam had gone to Sunday school and youth group into his teens.

“It’s really nice.”

Jim stepped into the room. “Is there a reason you stayed behind Sam? Something on your mind?” 

Sam turned around. “That easy to tell?” 

“It’s been a rough day for everyone. Being the only one who wasn’t here can’t have been easy.” Jim said. He walked with Sam until the young man put his bass down infant of the first pew and stared at the pulpit. 

“Did you know I hadn’t spoken to him in over six weeks?” Sam asked. 

“Your mother had mentioned it. Some sort of a rift in the family.” 

Sam was still staring. “Leave it to her to simplify everything.” 

Jim sat down. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” Sam replied, then he turned and sat down. “I’m just angry at him all the time. I think I was praying to stop being angry.” 

“You think?” 

“I also didn’t want to have to say goodbye to anyone while they left. Like Dad’s friends… or mom.” Sam was looking at his hands sheepishly. “I mean it took a while but not like people are going to interrupt the kid whose dad died and is actually praying.” 

“Did it make you feel better?” 

“A little.” 

“Then that’s good.” He said. “I don’t know everything, but I’m aware of the relationship you and your father shared. Radio silence to the entire family is quite drastic. Do you mind telling me why?” 

Sam bit his lip. “I mean it was the same old stuff you know. He was going on and on about being a man.” 

Jim nodded. “Did he say anything about your sexuality? Like we’ve talked about before?”

Sam flinched. Jim had been the only person he’d fully confided in about his dad. “I mean yeah. That’s what Mom and Dean don’t know, we were going at it long before they got home.” 

“In what way?” 

Sam tore his eyes away and started examining all of the wood carvings in front of him. “He was talking about how music is for queers and that my hair was getting too long. The usual stuff” 

“Well I disagree with your father. God gave you a gift son. Your music is beautiful and what you are meant to be doing.” 

Sam suppressed his grimace. He had never believed that music was a gift from God, if he wanted to get into the theological weeds maybe his drive for it was from the Almighty.

“I didn’t know your father very well Sam, I’m sorry that he treated you this way. I suspect he was probably scared about you leaving and wrapped up in his ideas of masculinity.” 

Sam nodded. “Man it’s good to know you kept your edge while I was away didn’t you?” 

Jim patted Sam on the shoulder. “You’re doing all right though Sam? Because there is no shame in asking for help.” 

Sam understood the implication. “No, I don’t feel any of that. I guess I’m just extra frustrated because it’s his funeral you know. I had surpassed all my anger towards him for so many weeks that it’s just all bubbled back up this week.” 

“That’s understandable. Just hope it doesn’t consume you.” He said. “Are you talking to anyone about how you feel? I understand why you might not want to speak about this with your family but…” 

“I have a special friend I confide in back at school. I have a lot of friends actually.” Sam reassured. “It’s pretty freeing how none of them knew who I was before I left Kansas.” 

Jim nodded. “I just hope you’re happy Sam.”

Sam stood up then, he hugged Pastor Jim and reached for his bass. 

“Tell your wife and kids I miss them, I’m leaving before Sunday so I can make it to campus when the new week starts.” Sam said. His counselor had disapproved when Sam had been so insistent about coming back to campus so soon.

“They’ll understand.” 

Sam made it to the door and spoted them again, they hadn’t moved from their spot since Sam had last glanced up. They looked like they should be at the wake with everyone else. Mature adult Dean didn’t need to wait for his kid brother with shaggy hair .The guilt was heavy.

“Sorry I took so long guys. I was praying for a while then I caught up with Pastor Jim.” 

Dean waved his hand. “Really not a big deal Sammy. Allowed me to spend extra time with my girl.” He squeezed Cassie’s shoulder and she glared at him good-naturedly. Dean pulled out his keys and unlocked the vehicle.

Sam started putting his instrument in the car and soon found himself in the back seat, eyes in line with Cassie’s curls. 

“What did you and Jim talk about?” Dean asked casually while he pulled out of the lot. 

Sam shrugged at his brother. “We caught up a bit and talked about Dad.” 

Dean nodded and dropped the subject. “You know Cassie, Sammy here used to be such a bible freak that he wanted to be a priest when we were little. Wanted to be just like Pastor Jim.” 

Cassie smiled and turned to look at Sam. “Little Sammy in robes sounds cute.” 

Sam glared at his brother. 

“His favorite Bible story used to be Cain and Abel you know.” Dean said.

Sam could see her suppressing a laugh. 

“I was five years old Dean! All I knew was that it was a story about brothers.” 

Dean waved his hand, “Details don’t matter right now Sammy.” 

He glanced at Cassie. “You wanna turn some music on?” She nodded and plugged her phone in. Sam didn’t have many expectations but quickly realized that any serious girlfriend of Dean’s was going to have an affinity for classic rock. 

They drove the rest of the way home without conversation, letting the music fill the space. Sam even sang a few lyrics under his breath.

They pulled into one of the few remaining spaces on the block. Bobby was standing on the front porch. He turned away from Rufus to give the boys a hug and back slap when they arrived. Dean gave a quick hello and moved past Sam and waved to Bobby so he could start charming the folks inside. It occurred to Sam that he saw Rufus and Bobby almost everyday, he already felt out of the loop with these guys.

“Sorry I stayed late.” Sam said.

“Don’t worry about it. Your mother was damn happy you were praying so much. You know she was worried that California was going to take the Jesus out of you.” Bobby said with an amused glint in his eye. The irony was not lost on Sam either. 

Dean hadn’t left Lawrence but remained the least devout member of the family, possibly a close second to their dad. Sam was a part of Stanford’s Christian Student Union. Despite knowing that many of them wouldn’t approve of his personal choices, he still loved it.

Gabriel was like Dean, he didn’t get Sam’s attachment to God. Shortly after they started dating, Sam came to learn that his dislike came from his family’s opinions. Having a brother who wants to be a Catholic priest and genuinely thinks you are going to burn in hell isn’t a very welcoming prospect. 

Castiel however had been a worthy match to Sam in terms of religious literacy. Gabriel was still complaining about the day that he was ignored while Castiel and Sam discussed latin translations and historical contexts deep into the night. Castiel shared some of Gabriel’s apprehension about faith, but confided in Sam that he also prayed often. Usually for Gabriel and their family to connect again. 

Rufus gave Sam a firm handshake. “Shame about you Daddy. Boy you’re still going to school out in California right?” 

“Yep, I’m a freshman in the Stanford Music Program.” Sam answered. 

“Oh yeah for that thing you played at the funeral?”

Sam chuckled and gave Rufus some of the highlights. After a few minutes Sam mentioned that he needed to go inside. He got a lot of questions about school and California. Everyone knew he was John’s son that didn’t work at the shop. He answered politely to everyone, trying to keep it short. Pamela Barns, who’d been his fifth-grade teacher, was the most enthusiastic. While he was cornered, Mary made her way to Sam. 

“Honey, I’m glad you’re back.”

“Hey Mom. Sorry I took so long.” 

She gave him a dismissive wave. “I’m just glad you’re processing it somehow instead of running away.” 

Sam stayed there for a few minutes and received condolences. He peeled away and ran into Donna and Jody on his way to the kitchen. They both hugged him, Donna was much more of a wreck than anyone else he’d seen all day. Apparently she didn’t get the memo about the stiff upper lip. 

Sam found he loved listening to them talk about their foster kids and lives. Growing up, Donna and Jody were the only LGBT people he’d ever met. Vague acquaintances through the church and various foster kids they had running around. They asked about school too, Donna wanted to know about tips for music lessons in town. One of their new girls was in music therapy and it had been recommended that she take lessons. 

Sam saw a few more familiar faces before he realized people were starting to go home. He accepted the responsibility and said goodbye to everyone as they meandered out.

It was dark when everyone was finally gone. Cassie was helping Mary in the kitchen with all the casseroles they’d been gifted. Jo and Bobby were putting away chairs. Ellen had taken all of their trash and recycling to the dump. Dean was doing something to the Impala. 

Sam was sulking on the porch. He knew it could be considered teenage brooding but he didn’t care. He heard the door creak open, Dean slid up to him and wordlessly offered a beer. Sam took his brother’s bottle opener and took a swig. It was the cheap stuff Dean loved to drink. Dean’s eyes were red, Sam would have sworn he saw tear tracks and didn’t dare comment.

“You dating anyone Sam?” Dean asked with a forced grin. “Come on, some lucky girl gave you that hickey. I just didn’t want to ask around Mom.” He nudged Sam.

Sam stiffened almost instantly. His hand brushed against his collar bone and he remembered what Gabriel had been doing before Mom called him. He rushed to adjust his collar and try to cover it up. His mind was reeling, had people been able to see it all day?

“Sammy it’s only visible ‘cause you took off your tie and unbuttoned your shirt. No one else saw how much of a man whore you are.” Dean smirked. 

Sam was still preoccupied. If he said he was single Dean wouldn’t believe him. His brother knew Sam didn’t do hookups. Then he remembered the boon college had given him, Dean didn’t know anyone he went to school with. He could just lie. 

“Earth to Sammy, you in there?” Dean was waving his hand in front of Sam’s face.

“Yeah, I’m dating someone from school.” Sam replied.

“That’s all you’re gonna give me? Come on Sammy.” 

Sam took another sip to stall. “Well she’s uh, in the music program with me.” 

Dean grinned. “And…? What’s she like? She another brunette like Eileen? I bet you got a type.”

Sam was getting flustered. “No, she’s um blonde. She’s the principal oboe and she’s… a junior.” 

“Okay Sammy's got game I see.” He put his hand over Sam’s shoulder. “So tell me this girl’s name. Come on I want details, how did you bag an upperclassman.” Sam grimaced at his brother’s word choice.

Then he remembered Jess, a blonde that he could show a picture of to Dean if it came to that. They’d become friendly acquaintances since he’d met her through other friends and it’s not like she was ever going to meet his brother. 

“Jessica Moore.” He said bluntly. “She’s uh, really great. We met at rehearsal at the beginning of the year and she asked if I wanted to hang out.” Sam remembered Dean’s sage advice from their youth, that the best lies stemmed from truth. “I like smoking weed with her on the weekend.” He added.

Dean gave him a back slap. “Sammy the stoner. He becomes a college boy and starts hitting the hard stuff.” He let go and went back to flaking Sam’s right. “Man, if Dad could see you now.” Dean said, turning Sam’s anxiety into irritation. 

“Can you just go twenty minutes without talking about what he probably thinks of me.” He snapped.

Dean ran his hand over his face. “I know you and Dad had a more strained relationship than I ever did. I’m sorry for stepping on your toes. But I can’t tell what will and won’t set you off.” 

Sam stopped and took another sip of his beer, eyes trained on the street.

“I’m sorry for acting like a bitch.” Sam said after a moment. “Running off during dinner was immature.”

“As long as you’re acknowledging it.” 

“Okay jerk-wad.” Sam punched his brother’s bicep lightly. “‘Cause you’re a model of maturity.” 

“I don’t make any claims to the contrary.”

“You know I still don’t get how you managed to hit Cassie over the head and drag her to your cave.” Sam would have sworn Dean started blushing. 

“To be honest with you Sammy, I don’t either.” Dean rubbed his hand on his neck. “You know she floated the idea of us moving in together and there’s a dog at that shelter that she really wants us to raise.”

“Dean Winchester going soft for some dog.” He mocked. 

“Miracle isn’t just some dog Sam.” Dean bit back before realizing what he’d just said. “You know what shut up.” Sam was laughing. He’d missed these types of interactions. Ever since he’d left for California it had been stilted.

“Seriously though bro, what’s up with you. You’ve been moping around like crazy today. More so than everyone else. I feel like you’re not telling me everything. I mean when you had your first kiss it was all you would talk about for a week.” Dean’s voice contained genuine concern.  
  
Sam squinted at Dean. “I just, I’m just confused I guess. I’ve been pissed at Dad pretty much nonstop since Christmas and I’m still mad at him, but now he’s dead and it’s like why am I still pissed. Like he’s got the last word you know, he got to just leave.” 

Dean shrugged. “You always did hold a grudge better than any of us Sammy. Look at it this way, Dad might be proud of your conviction if you go on hating him.” 

Sam smiled. 

“Enough about this feelings crap. How’s it going with Jessica? You didn’t give me any details about her.” Sam looked apprehensive. “I’m sorry I ruined your mental boner with talking about Dad okay. I just wanna know what my brother is up to.” 

“You’re not going to let this go are you?” 

“Do I look like I give up?”

Sam shook his head. “Look just drop it for now okay. It’s not as serious as you and Cassie and I didn’t want to waste air time on her.” 

“You think you’re going to break up?” Dean’s voice was laced with concern. 

“Seriously it’s not a big deal Dean. I like her but it’s really not like we’re in love. She’s a junior anyway and has already mentioned the fact she doesn’t love dating a guy my age.” The last thing Sam wanted was for Dean to threaten some girl over supposedly breaking his heart. 

“As long as she isn’t hurting you little brother.” 

“We’re really casual Dean, I like her but it’s really not like we’re gonna get married.” 

“M’kay.” He said before finishing his beer. 

Bobby and Ellen soon announced that they needed to head home. Sam hugged them all and waved goodbye. Cassie did the same. Dean walked her down the street and Sam watched him kiss her goodbye. Dean was soon coming back up the stairs and took place he’d previously had next to Sam at the porch banister.

Sam watched his brother for a moment before speaking. “You okay Dean?” 

“W-what?” 

“Are you okay?” 

Dean shrugged and gave a weak smile. “You know the answer to that.” He turned to face his brother. “I miss him and I’m pissed at you for being angry at him. I know that you guys weren’t as close and I know that he could be a dick sometimes but I’ll be okay Sammy. You don’t gotta worry.” 

“I wish I didn’t hate him Dean. I wish he liked me as much as you.” 

“I was never good enough for him.” Dean murmured. “But I still feel like a hole has been punched into my chest.” 

Sam nodded. “Well, the bastard’s opinion doesn’t matter anymore I guess.”

Dean huffed. “Yeah, I keep telling myself that. Still miss him though.”

*******

Mary had been listening. When Dean had started coming back to the house she’d meant to greet him and offer that he spend the night. She didn’t open the door though—uninterested in listening while her sons disparage John. She watched her boys embrace. Turned around, and went to bed alone. 

*******

Bobby Ended up being the one who gave Sam a ride to the airport. Sam had spent the days since the funeral in a bit of a fog. His mother was being especially distant and Sam couldn’t piece together why. He found himself at Bobby’s house, Dean’s apartment and at the church more than home. She always seemed to be on the verge of starting a conversation that neither she or Sam wanted to have. So on Sam’s last night there he’d realized that a ride to the airport with his mother would be awkward. 

Per Sam’s request, Bobby insisted upon driving Sam to the airport. Reassuring Mary that it wasn’t an inconvenience and he just wanted to spend some time with his nephew. 

The drive was more pleasant than the one into Lawrence. Bobby didn’t talk very much. It was a pleasant silence. Sam felt is entire body loosen, only realizing how on edge he’d been once his muscles had actually relaxed. 

Halfway to the Kansas City International Airport Sam decided he sort of wanted to tell Bobby. Dip his toes in the proverbial water. Bobby was always the most supportive of Sam’s schooling. Bobby was best friends with Jody. Sam wanted to tell him more than anything but the anxiety was threatening to choke him if he thought about it much longer.

Sam looked up from his clasped fingers. “Hey Bobby.”  
“Yeah?” His concentration didn’t waver.

Sam lost his nerve, and scratched his fingers on his thigh. 

“You going to spit it out boy? Or are you going to keep on moping?” Bobby asked.

“Sorry Bobby, I was just thinking.” 

“I can see that. You’ve been thinking pretty hard for the last twenty miles. He turned his head. “Do you wanna share with the class?” 

“I was just thinking for a second about something I never told you guys this week.” Sam said. 

“You didn’t share an awful lot about school.” He tapped his index finger against his right ear. “We’re only going to be in here so long.” 

Sam took a deep breath before taking the plunge. “I have a special friend back at Stanford.” 

Bobby nodded. “Special friend.” 

“Special friend.” Sam repeated.

“Is this a special friend in the way Jody and Donna are special friends?” He asked.

Sam nodded.

Bobby had asked like it was the least important piece of information Sam could have shared. Sam’s eyes were getting damp. 

“You don’t care?” 

Bobby shrugged. “It’s not what I expected but I ain’t gonna act like your dad about this stuff.” 

“Y-you knew what he though?” Sam asked. 

“Your father was loose lipped quite often. I mentioned it a few times to your mother but she always brushed it off. The only one he never said all of that stuff around was your brother.” Bobby explained.

“Really?” 

“You know what Dean used to do to kids that gave you the wrong look. You really think he’d let your dad talk like that?” 

Sam shrugged. “I never really thought about it that hard. Always assumed he worshiped the ground the man walked on.” 

“He did. Might still. Can’t really be sure.” Bobby said.

A minute later Sam spoke again. “Can you not tell anyone Bobby.” 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll keep my lips locked.” 

“Yeah I just wanna tell them in person you know. I wasn’t ready this week.” Sam rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. 

“You don’t have to explain son.” 

Sam liked Bobby calling him son a lot more than he’d expected. A tear slid down Sam’s check. He smiled and reassured Bobby that he was fine. He was more than fine. 

That happy feeling carried Sam through the airport, the TSA checkpoint and into his mediocre seat. When the plane took off Sam changed his phone wallpaper back to his favorite picture of Gabriel. He was able to focus on a tv show during the flight and actually felt a sense of calm.

When he landed his phone greeted him with a notification from Gabriel, he was near the airport and looking forward to seeing Sam again. Sam’s bass came out of the oversized baggage claim without issue. It was a sunny, a nice change from the overcast days he’d spent in Kansas. 

Gabriel stepped out of the car to embrace Sam. He pulled Sam down for a quick kiss before getting him into the car. When they got to Gabriel’s apartment Sam told Gabriel about Bobby’s reaction to his confession. 

Sam pulled off his brown sweatshirt and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s middle, nuzzling Gabriel’s collarbone.

“Cas is visiting his mom and dad this weekend.” Gabriel turned his head. “So we have all weekend.” 

Sam grinned and spun Gabriel around. “You read my mind.” 

Gabriel kissed Sam hard and they began haphazardly stripping off their clothes as they stumbled into the bedroom. Sam allowed himself to be lost in sensation and exist in the moment.

Sam’s phone was buzzing once again. The next morning Sam would check his phone and be greeted by texts from his family. Texts explaining that they were all going to see Sam at the end of the semester and Dean was especially excited to watch his jazz band perform.

**Author's Note:**

> Umm I didn't have a particular denomination in mind for the Winchesters, tried to keep it vague but it's probably pretty Anglican because that's what I'm most familiar with. Just picture an LGBT affirming denomination, John's homophobia is rooted in toxic masculinity and I didn't want to give Sam religious trauma.


End file.
